(for Clara and Mark and Nova inserts
herself too)
I.
the pause itself is derivative
is so easy to transpose and insert—where were you,
an effortless—so I run away? no, so I
insist on this difference, inference, indolence,
eternal
obstinance etcetera
the pause itself is where I would articulate my
reluctance
(how language is understood and
processed) where I would insinuate my disbelief
the pause itself (resolution can be
difficult)—there are a number
of competing versions—a return to the center that
is not
or this is what I remember of that heartache I
mean that text
that pause
my reluctance, I’ve been nostalgic for that edge
ever since
or still (this asymmetry is unbearable) one can
press pause
rewind, go back but you never really return and it
never really
the pause itself is still, the pause is reluctant
just like
the center is not the center or this is what I
remember
and this is what I forget
II.
, but um, especially in Western
ideas this single event creation meant that everything was put on this earth at
one time and it could not change afterwards
so we talked about insomnia as if
it were our friend because in fact it was, we talked about jet lag as if it
were something different because in fact it was not
I miss that edge, that sharpness
um first of all Hutton and Lyell
were both geologists, and they came up with not together but sequentially a
couple of really important ideas. important eventually to Darwin.
I predicted this
this diminishment
this question— hmmmmm
and several notes, repeated,
repeated, several notes several breaths (a single event creation)
he was a troublemaker
but this is just the sign that says
“edge” and the real edge
is over there; because oblivion
(strike this out?)
how much time has oblivion
demanded? how much time there was no room
in Western philosophy for looking
for variation and looking for change.
I am left dangling right here so
stop fucking dying
stop fucking dying right now
— so long as I don’t finish the
wine it counts, OK?
just stop fucking dying
III.
this dystopic dissemblance: what is
most like?
what is most unlike? and which button do I press to make my preference
known?
what is most difficult? whom do you
pity most? or
whose tragedy could you not bear
(so long as I don’t finish) whose
comparisons
are gentlest dear reader, whose
intricacies have failed?
pronouns be damned
we were talking about substance
we had misplaced certain articles
we were sure to find
later
but there was no later there was
only, UM—
there was length, there was
inability, there was displacement, there was diversion, there was
hesitance
(there was repetition) there was a
story that was lost and then
there was this likeness and all
that was left:
a shaft of light and oh, the ringing
of the bells
