(for Rjo)
1.
an opening/a softness
all that's left from moving a smashed thumb
away from the married house something
vibrates and I startle a sound track
repeats, I push buttons and I cry
you bring
a vague memory to the table a building or the idea of one
something one could open or close something inaccessible
to me:
the meaning that can't be made can't be escaped
I cannot be everything though for some time
this story began with an opening
a softness a space
made in the body where the outside
can get in
a space that can be opened but not closed
again
2.
I wanted to run away instead
I walked
I arched at my arch-
rival
I put to and to twogether
I keep looking for everything that isn't there
if you were really stabbing me I don't think
I'd compare it to this:
I want to ask you nicely
to put your insides away
you do not insist and this makes me—
I've been everywhere and nowhere all at once and now I'm here
but why is that not you thumping and roaring outside?
3.
the raucous kind of lullaby that wakes
what's dead in you:
that's what I'd like you
to sing to me
4.
I have returned to the place where I lost things
to put things back where they belong
a slot, a box, a perforation, a tab, an instance, a crack in the
glass, a smear, a slit, an opening, an artery, a push, a stamp, a
stall, a stable, a hall, a table, a mark, a miss, an absence of
substance, a wind, a flutter, a slide, a crank, a sideways
walking crab, an inculcation, a movie, a mist
I missed
I am startled awake
I am asleep in the desert
I have put things back where I lost them
to return to the place where I belong
5.
Partial Implosion
from the part of me that knows
how to begin
a line forms here to stand in the wind
the wind forms here
forms her
forms the part of me that knows
the shape of the beginning
I'm terrified
I'll blurt out something true
I fall apart when I fall through you
6.
I am barely/entirely
I am particulate/reticent
I articulate, i.e. I bend
at the furthest junctures
I am point blank
I point
I pant
I am worn through
near the edges
I put
slight pressure
applied
consistently
to the center
of the heart
but how can I not?
I cannot wait for the rest to settle
I must
I skate where it's thinnest
I swear when I fall through
I send/spinning
I bend
where most difficult
in spite of you
